When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

  • Posts: 1204

Replied by FrankN on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

Pinky wrote: I hate to say "hide that cash" but sometimes your partner leaves you no choice if you are saving up for something. You don't always have to be totally honest about ALL the money you get especially if it will lead to an item purchase that you both will enjoy. I know you think that honesty is the best policy but I recommend that you just put it off a little while for the good of you both.


For my wife and I, we have a threshold amount and if you spend less than that, there is no need to "get approval" from the other to spend. That way you (hopefully) aren't fighting with each other over small purchases.
2 years 4 weeks ago #1

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 1265

Replied by Wanderer on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

My mother used to call that "egg money" and she stashed it.
2 years 2 months ago #2

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 53

Replied by Pinky on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

I hate to say "hide that cash" but sometimes your partner leaves you no choice if you are saving up for something. You don't always have to be totally honest about ALL the money you get especially if it will lead to an item purchase that you both will enjoy. I know you think that honesty is the best policy but I recommend that you just put it off a little while for the good of you both.
2 years 2 months ago #3

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 1204

Replied by FrankN on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

Thats good to hear LEXIE. I am glad you have a good system in place now.
2 years 8 months ago #4

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 241

Replied by Lexie on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

We have been through so much together financially that we have a true partnership at this time. We never spend anything without talking to each other first. Even down to the smallest expenditure. He does keep the Excel sheet and we know where every penny goes. All this comes from him being the spender and getting us into trouble. It's taken us a long time to reach this point.
2 years 9 months ago #5

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 1204

Replied by FrankN on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

Balance is important for a marriage. Its completely fine if one is a saver and the other is not. In fact in can be helpful in certain situations. As long as both parties realize how important saving for retirement is, most couples should be okay.
2 years 10 months ago #6

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 1265

Replied by Wanderer on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

Sounds like you both have a good solid financial understanding and are able to keep the "balance" one needs in financial life. In reading on various boards, what you just offered is ever a point of conflict due to the drives of each partner. Finding that balance seems to be ever important!
2 years 10 months ago #7

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 217

Replied by Breakinger on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

We both worry about that rainy day too, but I know that if I wasn't in control of the finances we wouldn't be where we are now. My husband has said so himself. He is definitely the spender and I'm the one that stands there questioning if we really need it or not. I think that is how we keep each other in check with our finances. It's like I'm his conscience when he wants to go on a spending spree.
2 years 10 months ago #8

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 261

Replied by Moneyes on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

I think you may be right.......it's a matter of trust. And respect. Respect the other persons financial decisions and it's a lot easier to trust that they're keeping you both on the same page.

Teamwork.
2 years 10 months ago #9

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • MidSouthGal
  • MidSouthGal's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • New Member
  • New Member
  • Posts: 18

Replied by MidSouthGal on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

You know, I used to micromanage and literally put every dollar spent on a spreadsheet. I found it put way too much pressure on me. In fact when I was expecting my second daughter, it caused me to get really sick. I had to let the finances go, and that's when I figured out that he was a spender and I was not. But I had to learn to trust him with the finances.
Maybe it all comes down to trust?
2 years 11 months ago #10

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 1204

Replied by FrankN on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

I think having a complete, open, and honest discussion is the way to go. You need to discuss what your short-term and long term financial goals are and then work backwards on how you are going to get there. If you can both agree on where you would like to end up, your savings plan is much more about dollars and sense and just simple math. Otherwise you get into easy arguments on small stuff and that can lead to disaster!
2 years 11 months ago #11

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts: 364

Replied by FrugalFran on topic When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not

My husband is as concerned about finances as I am, but I am the one who manages our money, so he doesn't always know exactly what is going on. My biggest problem with him is money he spends at convenience stores when he is driving around for work. When it gets to be too much, I give him a list of everything he spent in a week and then he reigns it in for a while. Thankfully, he doesn't go out and buy big ticket items without talking to me.
2 years 11 months ago #12

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • MidSouthGal
  • MidSouthGal's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • New Member
  • New Member
  • Posts: 18

When You're the Saver and Your Spouse is Not was created by MidSouthGal

I think we are more frugal that most. In general, I think people from the outside looking in would say that we are both savers, but little do they know that I'm actually the one who worries about that rainy day. My husband spends but he spends on things he knows we will need one day, or the bargain was just too good to let it slip buy.

This reality in our marriage made me look at other couples' spending habits and I realized that there is always a spender and always a saver. How do you balance each other out?
2 years 11 months ago #13

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.